Can a Venus ideal be real?

I have had an admirer in Vancouver for a few years and over the past six to eight months our visits have been more regular and more enjoyable. We have had a few nice chats and last week I asked him if he had read Venus in Furs. He answered in the negative so I pulled it off my bookshelf and suggested that he read through it. The following is our conversation post reading the book. It was topical as I am heading to Vienna which has been on my desired travel list for some time.

His response:

I read your book today, Venus in Furs.

Interesting book indeed. I would like to thank you for it.

A few points/thoughts I wanted to share with you in no significant order:

-I actually knew the author. Very famous of course. Apparently he truly lived very similar life, including a similar contract with his wife.

-Wanda didn’t want really want it. She was forced into it by him. Not clear to the end whether she really enjoyed it or not. I wonder how you got into it. How much pleasure you truly take.

-At the end of the book she really breaks him (”cure him”) and he doesn’t want to be a slave any more. Did she take him too far? Or maybe he was looking for a combination of complete slavery with simple love. Is it even possible? At one point if you stop making it an act – can love actually survive?

-Wanda reminds me of you: Sometime cruel and often soft of loving. Did she have any influence on you? Is she an archetype of of a mistress?

-Although it seemed at one point she was enjoying her role, she was really looking for a regular husband. Or even a Master.

-Once deeper into the role, she looses respect for him.

Just some initial thoughts.

Yours.

My response:

Was wondering how you were enjoying the book.

I have actually read a biography on Wanda. It is an unfortunate story. It is true that he wanted her to be the Mistress but he didn’t want her to have absolute power. He was a very controlling slave in reality, according to the accounts that I have read.

The part that I identify with is having the slave totally desperate for Me, being dressed in furs or leather and worshiped. Keeping My slave as a slave, whipping him, breaking him. Having all of him. I find that to be very romantic and worth my energies, enough so that I devote a large part of My life to it.

To be honest with you I hate the ending of the story and when I read the book, I stop before the end. It is too heart breaking and against my own ideal. Same with the movie La Maitresse, if you have never seen it I can lend it to you. She has a slave who is older and perfect but she falls in love with a young man who is stupid and arrogant, in the end she leaves her perfect slave for the young lover and I always wanted her to stay owning the old slave and have a life as a Mistress who is worshiped.

Yes I think that there can be love when a woman owns a man, when she owns him heart and soul and he lives for her, works for her, obeys her. It can be pure. I think there are men who would like to have a woman that they can worship and who knows how to be worshiped and receive such a gift as entitlement. I also think that there are plenty of women who have a chance at this bliss and they ruin it for themselves.

Life is short. I think we should enjoy it with those who have similar ideals to our own. To be able to live with passion in each day is my ideal. I love being worshiped and served. I love being a Mistress. I have read some books on famous historical Mistresses. Most of them have downfalls or weaknesses. I have chosen to learn from them, take what I like and discard what I don’t. I am 26 years old and when I was younger had no concept of the lifestyle that I could have. It is selfish in one way and that is what many people see and therefore develop an incomplete opinion of me. Being a dominant Mistress is also a gift to the slave. There are so many unsatisfied male submissives out there who are seeking a Mistress they can develop a meaningful relationship with, more than just acting, being.

His response:

I find your philosophical views interesting. I have already been exposed to some of them through your newsletters.

The question isn’t whether a man can truly love is mistress. I have no doubt that he can - if she’s the right mistress for him - find meaning in the relationship that satisfy his needs (let it be need to loose control or anything else).

The more interesting question though is “Can she truly love him?”. I doubt that. Not in the way Severin hoped – like a man and a woman. The reason is that the slave can’t challenge the mistress and intrigue her enough. The mystery in the relationship is one sided only and therefore the mistress will always have to seek for new challenges.

You are only 26. Wow. You were about 23 when I first met you. And already very skilled with clear understanding of what you wanted. Very much in control. I find that the sexiest about you. You must have had so much experience already when you were still so young.

And already truly controlling and owning older slaves.

What fascinates me is how a mistress becomes a mistress. I hope you’ll be willing to share with me your story one day.

Yours.

My response:

It is possible for the Mistress to really love her slave. It really depends on the man and the woman and what they value. I have owned slaves that I have not loved for various reasons including what you mention above, not having a challenge, becoming bored etc. I have also been very much romantically in love with a slave and he was always a slave, never switched, it wasn’t us, it wasn’t what either of our ideals were. His whole life he had a very traditional view of men and women, but it was also perverted in the sense that he wanted to be the traditional man to the outside world but inside the relationship he was the slave to the woman he loved. It was his pleasure to be of use to his mistress, to be owned by her, to provide for her, he took value and self esteem out of being able to be with and satisfy his mistress. It was selfless in the sense that he took pleasure out of being a slave plain and simple. I was just right for him, how I am and how I seduce. I may not be right for many men but I was the right mistress for him and we lived D/s.

It worked very well for both of us until the end and sadly these things can end.

I think that it can work when the man wants to be a slave for the purpose of being a slave to a woman. When the man has the viewpoint of ‘whats in it for me?’ then it is not a pure D/s and it can be tiring or frustrating for both parties eventually. Of course, the vast majority of submissive men that I meet have this perspective and so relationship bliss is generally not in the cards for a demanding woman like myself. However, there are some men who genuinely want to be a slave or to be owned/possessed. I have met a few and some of them still belong to me and I cherish them.

On further ponderance, I will suggest that the genuineness of the relationship also depends on the womans feelings about owning a slave. In the story, Wanda actually wants to have a dominant man as her lover/husband. If the woman really wants that then I can see how she would get very bored, unfulfilled in a D/s relationship and actually resent her slave. If the woman disrespects men or submissive men then of course it would be difficult for her to love him if even possible. However, I am neither of those, I would not be happy with a dominant man and I adore a selfless slave so it works for me. I have claimed this before and I will stand by it that the emotional depth of experience in a D/s relationship far exceeds one of a vanilla nature, if only because barriers are destroyed. Once you live in full passion how can you go back to the ordinary?

Travel Schedule for July

For clarification, I have published my imminent travel schedule:

Vancouver July 1-14
San Francisco July 15-22
Zurich and Vienna July 23-30
San Francisco Aug 1-7

No plans for Calgary or back east. Those gentlemen will have to come west and I would be delighted to have you in either SF or Vancouver.

The Vancouver Playhouse is being moved as I type this. It should be ready by the end of the weekend. I have decided to have the new room bronzed. Just painted in a metallic bronze. Will be a very different look from the old red playhouse.

San Francisco is coming together nicely. Finally found an apartment in the city so you can expect to be seeing more of Me there. A permanent SF playroom is still weeks out. Maybe September.

Also, My email has got some strong filters and I know that several legitimate email end up in the trash folder. If you are trying to write to Me and finding yourself unsuccessful, you can always post a blog comment with your contact details. It is a private comment as I will never approve them to be published.

I really have wonderful slaves that take care of everything for Me. Thank you boys.

A long time coming

April 30, 2009

There are so many things that I would like to write about as time passes but this has not been the right platform for it so instead I have elected to refrain from writing. How ‘our’ world has changed in the past six months.

I am writing now because it is justified. May 2009 is a milestone for MD. Five years in the business. What is the business? It cannot be defined so easily. The ‘business’ is a fluid term taking on different meanings at different times and with changing audiences. What started five years ago as an optimistic but naive venture based on bookings has developed into an accomplished pursuit of happiness. The business has never been less about the business than what it is today. Five years ago, I did not envision the brilliant success of today. I simply did not have a clear long term vision. Admittedly my efforts were defined, short term in nature and repetitious. It started out as a service and developed into My expectation. Why settle for less than everything, less than the best? Why be a dominant woman who is not self actualized. I am 26 years old and living my dream life. Happy yes, but not content. Complacency and the fear of it, believe it or not was actually what got me into this business in the first place.

I am not going to say that I am the best at this, I still have ambitions that will be met as time goes on. I am going to say that I have a gift and that I can define that gift and I am a brilliant Dominant for those who suit Me. I will admit that I have changed the lives of a multitude of men who have come into My realm and there are more than a few broken hearts along the road. For most of the broken hearts, I am thankful for our time together.

I know fully that I can take a man and without much effort seduce and inspire him. I make him want to be better. To want to work for me, give all that they have for me, submit to me totally. I relish this. The men who are close to me are unendingly thankful to me for the suffering that I create for them. They are grateful for the suffering because when I shine a light on them the light is so overwhelmingly radiant that the darkness meant nothing except to prove their devotion. I am a Goddess and I am a worshipped woman. I make no apologies nor do I ask for any praise. It is what it is. Everyone can have their own interpretation of D/s. I know what works and can be relentless in my application. The secret to my creation is simply that it is not an act. I am the Mistress.

Some people who meet me may expect more of an eccentric figure, more outrageous presence, more obscenely demanding. When they are approached with a calm and confident lady they are unsure of themselves and what their response should be.

One lady that I met told me once that she thought that the men who came to see us were all losers. I couldn’t disagree more. My men all met me professionally at least once before they became slaves. They are wonderful in their own ways but all are completely devoted and live with the purpose to serve their Mistress. They are not the bottoms that are so common who make demands or attempt to control from their positions. They know I wouldn’t stand for it for a second, but more than that it is there personal pride and character that couldn’t stand to demean the woman they adore. It is just personality type blended with appropriate training. In my experience I can say that either a man has it in him or he doesn’t. Maybe he doesn’t know he could be a slave but the desire to please a woman is either genuine and complete or it isn’t. My role is facilitator. I create the space for the man to come into his own as a submissive. It is certainly not out of weakness. Not at all. The men become stronger and live with more purpose, passion and awareness in their life. I inspire. That is my gift.

Back to the business. For the past 3 years, the business has been a funny thing. Some days I am interested, others not so much. I have maintained for quite a while that I have little desire to waste my experiences on people who do not deserve it. A fee does not automatically make one deserving which is in apparent conflict to the belief of many of my callers. To be told what to do and when to do it is the perfect way to get yourself disqualified instantly. I have always kept a low profile in the belief that the right men would search me out. They would be unsatisfied with the readily available and search for the elusive perfect match. Some may think this was a recipe for disaster but what can I say, I live a charmed life and voila, it worked. I know I am different from the industry standard and fail miserably on ‘service’ points. This is also why most of the industry clients fail me. It is a sad story in a way because I could reach so many more deserving subs if the expectations were not bastardized by the reality of ‘industry’.

So where does the future lead?

At this point, I am splitting my time between Vancouver, San Francisco and Zurich. I don’t see this changing any time soon. Possibly the balance of time will be shifted between the three charming cities. I am finding that I like the Bay area more than I ever thought I would. Europe, well of course, I have to spend a minimum amount of time there each year. And Vancouver will always be calling for me.

The big news is that the Urban Playhouse, my studio in Vancouver that I have maintained for over 4 years will be closing on June 30, 2009. It is a sad day since there have been so many memories, parties, conversations that were experienced there. In the next breath it is great to be moving on to a new space. I have found a great place in Vancouver that I will be moving part of the playhouse to and the rest of it will come south to SF so I will have a private play space in both cities. There were a lot of people who came through the door of that Coal Harbour address and many friendships were made and some lost. Really looking forward to designing two new spaces and the requisite shopping and order giving that goes along with that process.

As time goes on, I expect that I will still meet with select individuals for scene creation based on mutual interest. I would have the flexibility in my life to take on another slave if he were the right person in the right situation.

To the next 5 years!

MD Perspective

Why would a young, educated, and accomplished woman choose to spend her life as a Dominatrix? She could do anything else? She could marry well and never have to work. She could develop a corporate career. She could travel the globe. She could be a teacher, a professional, a volunteer. Why would she expose herself in this way, and bear the stigma associated with such a choice? It is not out of need, and much to many peoples surprise, it is not for money. She is not being forced or guided and she has other skills.

Some people are meant to be lawyers, or salespeople, or educators, or healers. This woman knows her purpose, so the question is not how could she be a Dominatrix, but how could she be anything else?

I am ultimately privileged to be living each day with purpose. My life as a Dominatrix has been an evolutionary process. From exploratory and business focused in the beginning to self affirming and expressionist. I couldn’t imagine life not being a Mistress, a Goddess, a Dominatrix. I am not a wife, or a mother or a business person. I am a Mistress, as simple as it sounds, it is a complex, and layered life. For a long time, I have maintained that no one man could ever totally satisfy My desires, regardless of the depth of his experience or wallet. As a dominant female, I don’t feel badly towards men, in fact it’s quite the opposite, I love the male and especially the male who is slave to the female.

I embrace this lifestyle so fully that it can even astound other lifestyle players. There should be no definitions on what D/s is. I believe that it is an art form and is to be interpreted and expressed as the participant and artist choose. I consider Myself an artist, and I express My passion through Domination and submission, BDSM. The best moments of My life have been experiential and sensational and have been in BDSM, meditation and sport. My purpose is to go below the surface, beyond superficial boundaries/limitations, to create and experience at the core.

Some people have expressed to me, they have concern that I will not be able to have a ‘normal’ relationship in the future because of My lifestyle as a Dominatrix. [Perhaps, this would be the case for some in similar positions; however, I am not them and my entire life I have differentiated myself from the crowd. I repel against being ordinary at all costs. An ongoing motivation for me is to not be one of the sheep, even though I believe that society absolutely needs sheep, I just won’t be one of them.] I feel sorry for them because they are missing the point. The quality and depth of an authentic D/s relationship is far greater than what could be accomplished in a vanilla setting. In D/s, the parties know each other deeply, they experience each other without the ‘normal’ boundaries. It is human expression in raw form. In my eyes, this is living! To be so deeply connected to another person, a connection so unique and one that couldn’t be repeated, so satisfying and intensely emotional. This is not being sheep, this is knowing the human condition and living it.Why waste your time sleeping through life? I won’t. I choose to live purposefully with BDSM as a tool. And those people are right, I will never be able to have a ‘normal’ relationship in the future because of what I know now, I would never settle for anything less than full concentration and devotion, pure passion and emotion. Being alive in life.

MD

Excerpts from a slave journal

November 1^st

i have never been a patient person. But for YOU i want to be one. As YOU explained me once: a slave must be very patient to be in a D/s relationship with YOU. Every second i cannot spend under YOUR divine feet is painful agony for me. But this is the way it is and it is okay like this. The slave must be hardened in those issues. Not until the slave’s ego has ceased and died he can be turned into something completely different by his severe MISTRESS.

November 3^rd

Is there anything more admirable and lordlier than the magic inseparable bond between a demanding Mistress and Her submitting slave? – i don’t think so.

November 4^th

This is what is sad when one contemplates human life, that so many live out their lives in quiet lostness; they outlive themselves, not in the sense that life’s content successively unfolds and is now possessed in the unfolding, but they live, as it were, away from themselves and vanish like shadows. Their immortal souls are blown away, and they are not disquieted by the question of its immortality, because they are already disintegrated before they die.

Do not interrupt the flight of your soul; do not distress what is best in you; do not enfeeble your spirit with half wishes and half thoughts. Ask yourself and keep on asking until you find the answer, for one may have known something many times, acknowledged it; one may have willed something many times, attempted it — and yet, only the deep inner motion, only the heart’s indescribable emotion, only that will convince you that what you have acknowledged belongs to you, that no power can take it from you — for only the truth that builds up is truth for you.

November 7^th

It would be so easy for YOU to break me completely; YOUR power over me is absolute. my own little ego has made way for YOU and YOUR vision; YOUR little slave became part of YOUR vision now. Before YOU walked into my life (and also physically over me with YOUR cruel high-heeled boots what i enjoy so much), i was a normal person. But i have always felt that i am not complete like that; my heart was telling that there must be more out there and also in me; something that has been suppressed for too long; a kind of “dark side” beyond any conventions and traditions; something that only very few people would be able to understand. To share these urges with YOU, to go this path under YOUR resolute guidance and explore this amazing world of dominance & submission, pleasure & pain, respect & trust is absolutely fantastic. Nothing compares to YOU. YOU are extremely multifarious, lovely, gorgeous, intelligent, wise, profound, cruel, sadistic, stylish, graceful, romantic and perceptive rolled into one. YOUR enchanting charismatic being and mannerism is as fascinating as absorbing. It is impossible to resist YOUR beauty.

November 11^th

i want to be naked for YOU in the truest sense of the word and make way for YOUR vision.

YOU push me to the limit and even overcome it. Only YOU set my new boundaries and mannerism. Only YOU take decisions and control.

November 12^th

D/s is far away from being a game. It is a way of life.

i have found freedom – bound and gagged under YOUR divine feet and willing to take and to do whatever YOU ask me for. Please lead me deeper When i walk through the city i see lots women. But they are common. One could not die for them. But YOU are UNIQUE and ADORABLE. To worship YOU means everything to me.

November 13^th

If Sacher-Masoch would have known YOU, his book would have taken another end. Unfortunately he had never met the person he was looking for.

Only YOUR will matters.

Please tame and make me YOURS thoroughly.

November 14^th

For two long months i did not feel the whip, the crop or the cane or even the single tail; no heel trampled down my cock; no clamps decorated my pierced hypersensitive nipples. To be honest, yes, i am a little bit scared about the moment YOU punish me again. Because i want to be a wonderful slave for YOU and take everything YOU give to me. But without corporal exercise under the whip it is even more crueler to bear those strokes. YOU will be relentless on me, of course. And for sure, after the first strike i will quickly remember how it feels like to be whipped without mercy

November 15^th

Today i saw several good-looking women wearing leather coats and leather boots. But they wore it without any passion and purpose. They were vain; one could not die for them. i often meditate why only very few women are aware of their natural power and dominating role over men. They could have everything from every man if they only dare ask. Matriarchy is the original type of rule.

Everything is prepared for Vegas now. Oh God, how nervous i am.

November 17^th

After 9 hours in the air finally solid ground under my feet. i have never been to the U.S. The immigration is worse than expected. They detected my chastity device thus i have to get undressed and examined for more than 1 hour. They treat me like a criminal. They want me to open the lock, but i don’t know the combination. They don’t find it really funny and for a moment i am sure that they will arrest me. Would i go into jail for my GODDESS? Would this impress HER? i don’t know. i only know that i do whatever it takes to please HER.

They finally let me immigrate. In 7 hours i will finally been landing in LV.

i arrive there after been awake for more than 24 hours. After check-in, pack out my baggage and send YOU a confirmation of arrival with room number, i lie down on the hard floor in the living room; with my jacket as blanket. The bedroom and bathroom are forbidden zones for me. Though YOU did not mention it, i exactly now that YOU expect this behavior. It makes no difference if YOU are physically present or not; i am always YOUR slave and have to behave like one, of course.

November 18^th

The moment YOU walk in the door is far beyond all my imagination. i fall down on my knees, naked, eyes lowered, trembling. The sound of YOUR voice leads introduces me into the world beyond the visible one; into YOUR world; YOUR world, YOUR rules.

YOU look so stunning in YOUR black mink and my hearts beats higher and higher. For more than two month i haven’t yet feel the whip. But in YOUR dominant presence this changes immediately. Without warming up the cane opens initiates the punishment. YOU hit the same part again and again to desensitize one part after the other. i try to bear the cane with courage and quiescence. But i am sometimes too weak thus i cry out for pain and feel ashamed immediately, because i want to please YOU and not be a whining sissy.

The sound of the bullwhip is so awesome. Every stroke with this instrument means pain and burns like fear on the poor skin. But bearing it is a wonderful sign of dedication.

The view from the restaurant over the strip is quite impressive. We talk about all the world and his brother. It is absolutely wonderful to have so much vanilla things in common, too.

After YOU allowed me to massage YOUR divine feet with the oil, YOU put me into the leather straightjacket that i like so much. The feeling of total helplessness mixed with the odor of leather. Of course, it is impossible to sleep like that. And if i had the choice between sleeping on the floor in the living room and blindfolded, bound and gagged on my knees captured in a cupboard close to YOU, YOU know what i would choose…

November 19^th

i had never such a long night in my lifetime. The erections last every time for more than half an hour and then the painful procedure start again and again. Sometimes, i cry out for pain, but not too loud, because i don’t want to wake YOU up; i would never dare ask YOU for release. i dreamt of YOU again and again. What time is it? No idea.  Yes, once more, i have to be patient and learn my lesson. Then, suddenly, YOU stand in the door in all YOUR glory, walk straight ahead to me and turn me around. The cold touch of lube surprises me, i did not see that YOU were wearing the strap on. Slowly and expertly YOU pressed against me YOU started moving slow but steady at first, firmly holding onto the straightjacket so i had no choice but to take it. It is an incredible feeling to notice that YOU enjoy the moment. After the anal play i was quite exhausted and very grateful that YOU allowed me to go to the bathroom finally. The pressure was almost inhuman.

During YOUR breakfast i was kneeling in front of YOU on my hands and legs – the only acceptable position for a slave in presence of his BELOVED GODDESS and strict & demanding MISTRESS. Without saying a word YOU fed YOUR submissive property with a few cuts of melon; i ate them slowly with awe; a very symbolic act of YOUR total power over me. It is far beyond words.

For the night YOU let me sleep on the floor again. It was cold and i was freezing naked as i was. The continuation of the sleep deprivation was almost unbearable and totally cruel. But, of course, the only important thing was that YOU had sweet dreams and could relax.

On the first day, YOU mentioned that YOU would only have about 4 days to make me feel broken and break my heart. This was more than enough time for YOU. YOU broke my heart every time YOU closed the door behind YOU and left me alone

November 20^th

Today we have to move hotels. To surprise YOU i made an upgrade to the penthouse level on the 61^st floor.

YOU bend me over the massive stone table in the living room and start with a extreme hard and painful education: YOU flog me with the cane intensely, before the sound of the bullwhip let me tremble. But there is no escape, the ropes around my arms, legs and neck are strong. When YOU stick the red plug deep in my arse, i must cry out for pain and beg for mercy (something i had never done before). But YOU ignore it and keep on pushing. Please pardon me this weakness.

After treating me with hot candle wax and gain me insight YOUR vision, YOU retreated to the bedroom and left me alone for about 2 hours. This was very, very hard, especially with those cruel pegs all over my tortured punished body! In addition, it was quite cold to kneel naked in uncomfortable position on the stone table. Suddenly, YOU opened the door wearing only the fur, long leather gloves and sexy black lingerie. YOU caress me and catapult me thus from hell into heaven within a second.

What followed during the evening, was one of the most touching and unforgettable moments of my whole life.  i was feeling like in a dream. Perfect! Our conversation was absolutely intense and intimate. i did not expect something like that. i am totally grateful for this affecting talk.

November 21^st

After a recreative night full of dreams of YOU i wake up early in the morning and prepare everything for the day. It is already our last day together in Vegas and this makes me very sad, because i am afraid of the emptiness and desperation afterwards.

It is 3:15 pm when we came home, half an hour before YOUR pedicure starts: time enough to humiliate, punish and finally captivate YOUR willing slave in front of the huge bed. Its posts are predestined for severe bondage. To create my punishment even more uncomfortable YOU decorate my poor hypersensitive nipples with those clothespins. They don’t hurt so much at the beginning. But as time comes by, they become unbearable and very, very painful. After preparing me, YOU put YOUR new red dress together with the leather pants in front of me and close the door and leave me once more alone with all my fears and urges – but for how long this time? At least for one hour, i guessed. As expected, the position punishment got worse and worse: no sense of time, every part of the body was aching. Sometimes, i cried out for pain – not loudly, but more into myself

The way YOU tortured and desensitized them was extremely cruel. It was cold and the pain became more and more unbearable. i listened to every noise hoping it would be YOU. But there was nothing but my own attempts to find a better position; what for ridiculous attempts! Then i started to fear one thing more than everything else: the removal of the clothespins. Would YOU be merciful and remove them the softest way possible? During i asked myself this stupid question i have already known the answer: no, of course not! And i must smile about my own naivety. After a long time the door was opened and YOU entered. It is indescribably majestic when YOU do so. “I am so proud that you took it, slave!” Those beautiful words are like balm for my aching body and soul. Then YOU sat down on the bed behind me, removed harshly the nipple-decoration and i cried out for pain. In this moment, i was totally broken and lost. But YOU took the pain from me pressing YOUR warm hands against my chest, kissing my back tenderly. It is so amazing and far beyond words to feel so close to YOU – body to body. YOU untied YOUR obedient slave, sending him to the bath for washing and shaving. YOU have been away for 2 hours and we must hurry to go to the musical. To remove the plug after more than 5 hours was so good. YOU decided to wear the leather pants and the fur for our last evening. YOU look stunning in every outfit, but, to be honest, to see YOU wearing leather is the fulfillment of my darkest fetish desires.

After the sustentative show in the Venetian we returned to our suite and YOU punished, humiliated, tortured and finally caught me. What YOU have done to me this night was more than i had ever expected to be able to take. The pictures YOU took during this exceptional session tell a part of the story. With cane, crop and whip YOU educated and submitted me strictly. When the whip hit and loosed the clothespin on my left nipple, the pain i felt was one of the biggest ever. To retain my composure under those circumstances was a great challenge

That YOU allowed me afterwards to take those lovely pictures from YOU in the bathtub, touched me deeply. There were so many things i would say to YOU,

i had to sleep on the floor in front of the door to YOUR bedroom. YOU allowed me to knock on the door before i had to leave for the airport. But i could not sleep for a second this night. i laid on my back, freezing a bit and especially with a head that almost exploded: thousands of thoughts tantalized my mind; i was so afraid to depart from YOU and to be separated from YOU again. i wish there would be a possibility to spend every moment submissively under YOUR divine feet and to serve YOU 24/7. The last time i had to cry was when YOU left Zurich for Lisbon. i had to stand up and to go to the toilet, because i did not want that YOU would hear me crying. It was just terrible. Finally, it was 5:30 am and i could stand up, pack my clothes and dry my tears before knocking on YOUR door – of course on my knees with the eyes lowed down. YOU wished a glass of water and admonished me to be smart and strong during until we would meet again in January. When YOU noticed that i was fighting back my tears, YOU said: “No, no tears!” and i obeyed. YOU let me kiss YOUR hand and foot and send me away without saying anything else. To be honest, this was the cruelest lesson i had to learn during those wonderful days. i was paralyzed and torn.

On the airport, an officer ask me, if everything is okay. “Yes, why?” – “Because your trousers are bloody, sir!” – In this moment i realized that my poor knees were excoriated and that two bloodstains were visible. i was so grateful that YOU released me from the chastity device after 16 days thus i had no further problems at the control point.

…during the long flight home i started to realize what really happened in Vegas and was able to assort my devoted feelings and submissive thoughts…

November 23^th

Selfishness is the biggest enemy for a real slave. Selfishness of a slave is like a venom for a D/s relationship. The slave’s ego must cease and make way for something that is bigger than everything else in his former life: the vision of his GODDESS. To become part of HER vision is all he can expect from his new life. He does not belong to himself any longer. In fact, he dies in an aesthetic sense and his MISTRESS turns him into a new being; a being far away from imagination; a slave.

All my life i have been waiting for YOU. It is just amazing and enchanting to be YOURS in every sense. Yes, YOU own me and make to me whatever YOU want. This YOU showed me very impressively in Vegas: YOU objectified me totally and took from me everything that was useful and pleasant for YOU. YOU abused, humiliated and punished me in a very, very strict and demanding manner and thus showed me where i am at my best: under YOUR divine feet!

November 24^th

Whatever YOU do to me, how often YOU break my heart and leave me alone for hours – my devotedness and submission increases with every thought i have of YOU and with every moment i am YOURS. Not even a wide ocean, that separates us maybe physically, can prohibit this fact. Yes, i feel so close to YOU in every sense and want nothing else than to prove myself to YOU; to show YOU that i am worthy of YOUR howsoever natured attention. YOU can feel that my efforts are genuine and that i am confident in becoming a good slave who brings YOU pleasure and satisfaction – in the way YOU ask from him. It is impossible for a single slave to satisfy all desires and requirements of a real GODDESS of flesh and blood as YOU are. Because of this simple fact YOU own several ones who give their very best to please YOU. Please give me the unique chance to become one of them. For this i beg YOU crawling on my knees.

November 27^th

Since YOU have told how the slave in Amsterdam has disappointed YOU, i feel very ashamed, because even if he did what he did he casts a damning light on other slaves with his inexcusable behavior. How could he betray YOUR trust in such a way?!? How could he be so selfish?!? – To be YOUR slave and spend time under YOU is a gift for everyone. Not to appreciate this enormous privilege is as stupid as outrageous. Selfish mannerism is incompatible with the attitude of a genuine submissive, because only YOUR will is of importance and YOUR wish is our command. We live for and through YOU. Nothing else matters. No Mistress should be let down and damned to waist Her precious time with unworthy objects without passion and purpose.

Approaches to creating a D/s reality

The following was an exercise that was given to a slave. I began by writing the following:

‘Below is a list of approaches that I believe can be very important in creating D/s. Read them and then add your own contributions, present this to Me when I see you.’

What follows is a sample of the compilation:

Psychological
Humiliation, Interrogation, Confessions, Masturbation restrictions and allowances, Naming, Suspense, Anticipation and Mystery, Rules, Body Positioning, Trust, Carrot and Stick scenario, Honesty and Respect, Authenticity, Veneration/Adoration, Meditation, Overcome inhibitions and boundaries, Wearing an ‘everyday’ collar, Expressed and Repressed Sexuality, Being Broken, Total Power Exchange, Willingness to make sacrifices, To have Purpose.

Physical
Exercise (plug etc.), Endurance (bearing pain/discomfort), Dictated Fitness and Diet, Shaving, Piercing/Marking, Chastity, Controlled Appearance (clothes, hair), Escorting the Mistress, Worshiping the Mistress, Regular and Spontaneous Errands and Requirements, Physical Domination and Submission, Dictated Mannerisms, Fetish indulgence.

A typical October Day

A slaves contribution

What turns a man into a slave? And what turns a slave into a real slave?
i often think about that, because i want to be a useful and resilient slave for
YOU who is able to make YOU feel even more comfortable and embellish YOUR life
in any way; a slave worthy of YOUR dominant presence and severe guidance; a
slave who is able to satisfy YOU in any way YOU want him to and who anticipates
YOURS every wish; a slave who can take the strap on and bear the bullwhip till
YOU are satisfied. But also a slave with whom YOU can discuss and laugh if YOU
wish to do so. Consequently a slave who is able to do whatever it takes to
please his beloved Mistress and who is successful and assertive in his job at
the same time. The job is a necessity, to be able to enable and realize his
Mistresses unique way of life and consummate lifestyle. Under Her guidance he
will be able to be a good manager, surgeon or whatever. But the most important
thing to be a really good slave is his complete submissiveness and willingness
to do whatever She wants with passion and devotion. He must trust Her and only think about Her benefit and advantage.  He
only exists to make his Goddess happy. he must learn to suffer and to submit to
Her desires only. His ego disappeared and made way to become part of something
much bigger than his former values, desires and fears: he becomes part of his
beloved GODDESS’ vision. A slave cannot expect more than that. Everything his
GODDESS shares with him is a gift. When She is happy, he is happy, too. A good
slave shows in every moment his infinite and genuine respect and devotion to
his unique Dominatrix. he loves Her more than anything else. He is willing to
do and to take whatever She asks of him.

YOU can feel that my attempts are genuine and sincere.
i have never been a horny client paying for a kink service. i am a genuine
submissive born to make YOU happy. Thanks for never treating me like a client,
my authentic adorable MISTRESS & GODDESS.

Hoping so much YOU can feel my genuine attempts, beloved GODDESS. It is
the most difficult thing in life to satisfy a real GODDESS and to earn her
attention, but i won’t stop for a second doing my very best.

How wonderful it will be when YOU arrive at the
airport; to see YOU walk, the way YOU move and smile. The unique moment, when
our eyes meet for the first time after more than two long months of painful
anticipation and desperation. It will be so wonderful.

A conversation in letters continued 3

Dear Goddess Divona!

How are YOU doing? Is everything okay for YOUR stay?

i am still deeply touched by the wonderful surprise i could find in my mailbox yesterday. Thanks a lot for this lovely card. YOU are so good to me and i am once more absolutely speechless. But this is normal and understandable if one has the unique privilege to kneel in front of a real Goddess of flesh and blood and to serve her as a obedient, well-educated slave. Real D/s happens beyond words. There is nothing left to say when the beloved Dominatrix demands full attention of her object that She will penetrate thoroughly; his mind, body and soul. YOUR selected words are so wise and exaggerated. What could be nobler or more fulfilling than adore and worship YOU in any manner YOU wish? – Nothing at all!

YOU exactly know how much i am looking forward to meet YOU again and attract YOUR attention for YOUR dedicated trip. Every minute of the last three months were painful agony for me. Nothing compares to YOU. Our last meeting changed everything in my life. That is the simple truth.

i am willing to do whatever it takes to please YOU and make YOU comfortable.

To be honest with YOU, i am totally nervous and excited because i want to do everything perfect and for YOUR complete satisfaction; i give my very best to prove me to YOURSELF.

Last night, when i wrote YOU an sms, i was laying awake in my bed. i could not sleep and not eat all day long because i have been aching with anticipation for the Rubber Ball and YOUR arrival

…good friends of mine tell me that i altered since my trip to see you. They have no idea how right they are…

Yes, i am very scared of the moment YOU will leave me on Tuesday. Then those words will get new sense for me: So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near– “Ah,” said the fox, “I shall cry.” “It is your own fault,” said the little prince. “I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . .” “Yes, that is so,” said the fox. “But now you are going to cry!” said the little prince. “Yes, that is so,” said the fox. “Then it has done you no good at all!” “It has done me good,” said the fox, “because of the color of the wheat fields.”

Please my leather-clad Goddess, take me thoroughly as YOUR slave and be relentless on me.

YOU are always on my mind, my adorable Mistress Divona.

Thank YOU so much for everything.

We will have a great time together.

Counting the seconds until YOU make me YOURS.

Submissive regards,

YOUR grateful caged slave

A conversation in letters continued 2

My desperate caged slave,

If you last the cage until you receive this letter I will be impressed.

Currently, I am sitting in the cage on the waterfront across from the playhouse. I have been coming to this cafe for 3.5 years. There is a woman being interviewed directly across from Me. She is probably around My age. From over hearing her conversation she has just become a nurse and wants to get a weekend job. I think about her and so many other women that I meet and I think that if only they knew what My life was like. They are trying to survive in this world by serving others. I am served daily, never work, have a beautiful life. If only the knew they could have everything they wanted they only had to ask. This life is not for everyone. So many work fruitlessly. Apparently, she was just hired. Good for her. Fortunately I will never be in that position. you are part of that reality, your desire to attend to My wants and needs. you could feel chivalrous, instead you should just feel so utterly fortunate to be taken as a slave and given a purpose. you are now part of My vision. Purpose is important to be able to judge the value of your life: what you have accomplished.

One hour ago I was visited by a submissive who I met years ago but rarely see now. Maybe 3 times per years. I was excited to see him because he reminds Me of you. Similar look and same romantic ideals of slavery. I had a wonderful time with him as I was envisioning I was with you. Am I a bitch for that? I don’t care. I wore leather gloves, a leather skirt, stockings, high heels and a sheer top. I wen to this hair salon yesterday and My hair looks amazing, so long, smooth and blonde. I just looked stunning. I took a picture of Myself to send to you.

I’ll tell you a secret.

What I find most erotic out of everything that I have experienced or thought is this: Leading a man into temptation, being the seductress that I am, and turning a man into a slave, seeing how far I can make him go. I get very aroused by My power. I would like to lead you into a dessert just to see if you would follow Me and for how long. Maybe now you can begin to visualize your fate. you must be so incredibly excited about My power. Aching for Me to extend it over you, and I will.

Have you ever read Soren Kierkegard? Get a copy of the Seducers Diary.

you are going to be so filled with desire when you see Me at the airport. When y9ou see My outfit, how I walk, My beautiful hair and face and the smile.

In preparation for  My visit you should note the following:

Every morning, I like to start with fresh fruit and tea but only decaffinated. I like to swim every morning, so I hope teh hotel has a ppool for Me. you can hold My towel and wrap Me up when I exit the pool. you should prepare your ass for Me by using an anal plug. I intend to be relentless wiht you. I have a severe allergy to cats so make sure there are none around.

I expect you on your knees at all times unless I tell you otherwise or if we are in public. Make it so that you won’t have to answer the phone or email while we are together. Make an effort to prepare your hands to massage Me. Bring you shaving kit as I would like to shave you. your genitals, face or ooth.

More instructions will follow.

In Glory and Divinity,

Goddess Divona

A conversation in letters continued

my inexpressible Lovely and Demanding Mistress Divona!

I have just come home and found YOUR long-expected letter in the mail. i am deeply touched by the wisdom and honesty of YOUR enchanting words. i read and re-read it again and again on my knees. As YOU can imagine, i get tears in my eyes. i haven’t ever received something more romantic and touching than YOUR awesome affirmation of authentic D/s. To kneel in front of YOU gives me the peace and freedom i was looking for years. To share such a far-reaching relationship with a person that decided to go this unique path is not only heaven on Earth for me, but also totally romantic! Even it most people would never understand these urges i have never been ashamed to be what i am: a male submissive willing to do whatever it takes to please his beloved and adored Mistress and give up anything else and leave all the rest behind. Surely, it is not an easy way to go. No pain no gain! But i am confident in what i am doing and i never asked someone else for his opinion, too. i admire YOU for going this path, YOU know that. To give myself up for YOU and only exist through YOUR will is my biggest wish and my destiny for sure. i am perfectly blissful to have found YOU. i pray to YOU as my GODDESS and i do it with all my thinking, feeling and acting with every breath i take.

The instances YOU made in YOUR lovely sign of domination impressed me much. i am sure of that true D/s and BDSM cannot be learned or faked up. It is destiny and a choice that changes anything forever. If one is not able or willing to accept this wonderful gift, one would be unhappy for the rest of one’s life. But like for every great thing in life, the price to be payed in advance is very high: To leave the earlier life behind nevertheless the others tell. But one day when i am old i hope i can look back and say to myself: “i did it my way!” No regrets. No matter what the rest of the world is thinking about me and my submissive behavior and attitude. So i absolutely agree with YOUR statements regarding D/s and BDSM feelings and experiences.

i can read books about water and swimming but only the faithful jump into the blue will tell me the truth

Dear Mistress Divona, i am perfectly willing to venture this mysterious path under YOUR total control and guidance. It is so exciting and overwhelming to be part of something bigger.

Your slave in xxxx will probably never find what he is looking for (or better: what he thinks to be looking for) because if he was born to be a slave he would be it for his lifetime – even if he  tries to resist his destiny.

i have been waiting all the time for the right woman that shares my passion and is able to understand me to share this unique act of corporal fusion.  It is not possible to live in an intact D/s relationship and to be in a “normal” relationship in the same time. For a slave like me it means: i cannot serve to two Goddesses simultaneously. But this would never be OUR style. There are rules to abide. Trust and respect are the fundamentals not only for a “common” relationship, but especially for a D/s relationship where total power exchange demands for complete submission of one part.

In the meantime, i learned that sex is only a little part of something more fascinating and greater: BDSM truly is advanced sexuality as YOU mentioned before. For sure, only my adorable Mistress controls my orgasms. YOU, severe GODDESS in tight leather! Surely, it is something special to present his Domme the gift of himself thus SHE can do whatever pleases HER.  But there is no matter what SHE is doing with the slave generally. Because he belongs to HER completely and is only living for HER pleasure.  That is my opinion i try living after. There was a point i want to give up, yes. But when we met i immediately knew to have found what i have been looking all my life.

Thank YOU so much for this invaluable gift and privilege to be on focus of YOUR superior dominance. To be allowed to present all my being every day as a devoted gift to YOU is the greatest honor. Women are born to rule over men. YOU are on Earth to be worshipped and adored in every possible way. i know for sure:  YOU definitely are a GODDESS; the one and only for YOUR desperate lowly slave.

For YOUR dedicated trip everything is under construction. i am aching with anticipation for this great moment. Nothing else matters for me. We will spend a great time together.

To recur: Nothing compares to YOU.

Please take me as YOUR slave and take me thoroughly. Tame me, my Lovely Rose.

YOU make me so happy and satisfied. My cock wants to escape from his severe chastity-dungeon. But it is impossible…

Submissive regards,

YOUR grateful desperate slave